Do you think your partner is cheating on you?

November 12, 2018 11:17 am

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Do You Think Your Partner Is Cheating On You?

 Jealousy… We all know it, it’s the sign of an underlying insecurity that traps us in a scenario that can turn into something really toxic if unaddressed. The world we live in somehow accepts the idea that men cheat and women are more faithful, but the truth is somewhere in the middle, as always. Women cheating on their partners, be they male or female, is also commonplace, because the psychological mechanisms behind cheating are often similar.

Are there any signs that your girlfriend is cheating on you that you can pay attention to? Unfortunately we still have a lot of learn about human behavior and finding out ways we can better relate and understand why it happens and what we can do about it in a more mature and wise manner. Most of the times couples get into fights and can’t solve a simple conflict in a rational way, but when it comes to someone who cheats on their partners, things can take a different route, one that’s more hurtful or/and aggressive. If you look closely and pay attention, however, you can spot plenty of signs of guilt in a cheater.

How to Catch your Girlfriend Cheating

Let’s start with the basics. You’ve probably noticed some things that may be different in your partner than when it was all honey and milk at the beginning of your relationship. That doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s getting involved with someone else, so make sure you think before opening up Pandora’s Box and accuse your partner of something that they might not even have done, because the road back to trust is harder after something like that.

If your relationship is getting less attention and love, you should look at things more carefully. Women usually cheat when they don’t get something they need from their partners and are too dependent on the relationship to let it go and start a new one, or are simply too afraid to make a change. Yes, we humans are brave in a lot of ways, but when it comes to change we panic more.

 Cheating signs can differ from couple to couple. An example would be if you used to have regular intercourse and all of a sudden no matter how you work your bedroom magic it just does not spark any interest in her. Sometimes women have a lower libido and it may have nothing to do with cheating, so again don’t jump too fast on the cheating train just yet. It’s normal to not want to have sex from time to time, depending on what kind of stress or moods she’s in. But when you see that the situation stretches from weeks to months, then you have a problem, be it cheating or not.

It’s human nature to feel attracted to people who are different than what we’ve got at home. So maybe she’s going through a phase where she’s feeling attracted to bad boys, or vice versa. Even though that hurts, you should not take it personally, but rather try to understand if that is what is happening and if yes, why it did.

Signs that Your Girlfriend is Cheating

Though I know the detective in you is eager to come out because you are frightful and desperate, don’t let yourself fall into the trap of desperation. Instead of becoming all Sherlock Holmes about it, maybe try in the beginning to watch out for signs that may indicate that you girlfriend cheated or is cheating on you.

If your girlfriend all of a sudden has extra work at the office, even though she never worked late until it might be a telltale sign. If she pays extra attention to her looks, differently than before but doesn’t get all excited when she is with you, but rather is more eager to get all pampered up and leave the house as fast as possible – I have to break it to you and there is not an easy way to say it, but these are all physical signs of cheating. If she loses nights out as well, you can’t reach her on her mobile phone while she is away adds, then that adds up to that equation. I know, you’re probably getting angry as you’re reading this, and it’s ok to get angry, since betrayal is not easy to endure.

So can you physically tell if your girlfriend is cheating just by those things stated above or are there more ways to know? There are endless opportunities to spot a cheating partner. If she sighs and always quotes other men and raises questions of what she always wanted from you and never got, plus makes you question if you actually did pay true attention to her and your relationship, because as I stated before a cheating partner never cheats because of how great and understood they feel in a relationship. So buckle up and start looking at yourself and your relationship all together. I am not saying this is your fault, actually it is nobody’s fault, but it’s just how things develop after unmet needs or desires.

Can you 100% tell if your girlfriend is cheating? In truth you can, but until you have an open discussion with her, unless you already caught her in the act, you can’t go around accusing her of it. Another sign that you can look out for is actually the accusing one. There are physical signs of guilt beneath it. If during an argument she starts accusing you of cheating we are dealing with signs that psychology might define as projection in the blame game. What this means is the person cheating refuses to acknowledge his or her responsibility or flaw and projects it onto other people. All of a sudden she might get angry and start accusing you of cheating even though you never gave her any reasons to believe such a thing. She could do this even in the midst of a simple argument about washing the dishes or taking out the garbage. One minute you’re arguing about the mess in the house and the next she starts yelling at you by calling you a cheating bastard. Each one of us is different and acts in different ways, but no one is a stranger to projection.

Actually even the act of cheating itself is born out of a projection. Not getting what you need and want from your partner or from yourself can send one spiraling into a circle of “hunting down” another partner to fulfill their needs that weren’t met in the actual relationship. Hence what you don’t give to your girlfriend, one day she will start looking for someone else who will be able to provide her with that. But that’s also part of the law of the jungle, survival of the fittest. It’s a matter of survival and even though hearts will be broken, the person who decides to cheat is just taking care of his or her needs however they see fit at that time.

What Should I Do if My Girlfriend Cheated on Me

 If you discover this is the situation and she indeed cheated on you, the first thing you should do is actually take some time to process it. Work with yourself a bit first before you start discussing the issue with her. Do not, under any circumstance become aggressive. I know you are hurt and angry, but going to war with your partner is not going to solve anything. When an act of betrayal such as cheating happens, the wise and mature path would be to understand why it happened and what you can learn from it, so that you can acknowledge some of your own issues. We all work as mirrors to one another, that’s why the blame game is not a solution when dealing with any type of conflict.

After you’ve calmed yourself a bit, try to have an open discussion with her. You could start by telling her what you know about it – this only applies in situations in which you haven’t already had a fight about it. Tell her that even though it hurts you, you need to understand why it happened, what she expected from you and you haven’t done and how could she have said things in a different way so that you understood her needs better before. Sometimes we do tell our partners what we want and need, but don’t find the right moment to tell it or the right words to do so.

If your partner gets aggressive and defensive try to stay as calm as you can, or at least maintain a solid outer appearance, even though inside you are burning with pain and anger. If you start playing the aggressive game most certainly the discussion will end with smashed dishes, one of you leaving the house and hating the other for a long period of time, and that does not bring any resolution, nor does it in any way help the healing process.

Now let’s imagine you spoke with her, she told you why she did it, why she was unhappy with you and apologies and the like were said. The next step would be to see if she indeed has a deeper feeling for the person with whom she cheated with and whether you two can still work things out in your relationship. That is also possible. Dealt with wisdom this can actually be a seed of growth in your romance and spark a new flame inside it.

You’re probably asking yourself: How can we make things better after she cheated on me? Well, for starters you just found out all the things that were missing in your relationship and you can now decide if both of you are willing to work with the issues at hand and continue to grow as a couple, paying more attention to each other. The truth is, in any situation or thing in this life, everything has two sides. You got the bad and the good, the light and the dark. It’s how you piece them together that makes you a more conscious and responsible person. Can you now also see that something as heartbreaking as betrayal can have good in it? I know it’s not something we are taught to accept and understand, but rather to hate and punish, but ask yourself if in your past, something good and fruitful came out of punishment and hate. Did it truly and honestly heal the wounded parts of your soul?

You could also try to put yourself in her shoes, see how would you feel if you were the one who cheated? We sometimes disregard empathy and this leaves us seeing just one side of the coin, the one that is darker and full of rage.

And of course there is also the situation where you talked and decided that you can no longer be together and it’s better to just break up. I know this is heavy and not easy to do, we’ve all been there one way or another, but it is not the end of the world, though it might feel like it now. Having the power to say goodbye to someone you shared some of your deepest feelings with is not an easy task, but it is sometimes necessary. 

After that you have the opportunity to find someone who clicks better with your personality and who is more fit to be your partner, and so can she. There are couples who stay together even after they see they are not fit for each other, because they are too afraid to let it go and start a new relationship. It’s normal; even if your partnership is no longer working, at least you have some level of comfort in it. Neale Donald Walsch said it wisely: “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Even if that means moving on from a broken relationship, or having to deal with healing one that has been tainted by cheating, getting out of your comfort zone is the only way.

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This post was written by Yvonne